yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
