Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.