Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.