Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
