I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander