next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
