Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
