Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
