wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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