Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
