Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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