Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.

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(631): View more from New York

our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall

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(713): View more from Texas

Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together

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(251): View more from Alabama

I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family

(202): View more from Washington, DC

In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?

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