Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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