all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
