I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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