Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
