i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
