please come you make the beer taste better
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
