do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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