Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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