Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
