handjob tips. give me some.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
