Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
