I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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