I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
