Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
you never un-have a 4some
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
