dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
