Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
