my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
