it's too hot outside to masturbate.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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