I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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