Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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