so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
