Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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