is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
bring money and cleavage
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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