Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
