apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
