so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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