Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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