She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
