there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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