Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
