I wish I could punch you in the face.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
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Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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