I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This is classic penis vs brain.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
