So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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