Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
