Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
