He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
my poor anus
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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