This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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