If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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