Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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