wakey wakey hands off snakey
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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