Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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