I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
