Soap is not a condiment
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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