His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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