It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
