Whod you bang
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
