Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
