he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
