i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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