My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
