Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
