can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
