I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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