Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
