So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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