I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
