She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
