8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
