If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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