Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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