I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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