I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
