i would punch a child for taco bell
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
